No title, Just my feelings on the time

First of all, thanks for forgiving although you said not all my fault... =)
Hope we can still be together happily...
(sound so wrong??? @.@)

And I don't know what to do now...
my turn, lost my justification on this problem...
I knew it was my fault and you have 迁就 me for many things...
but this one you can't, and I can't tolerate also...
change is something that say is easy but do is hard.
I found that also, now is not the time for me to change.

Sorry for can't tolerate your wish
yet, I can't find a reason to forgive what you have post...
thanks, it really hurt me
and make my stereotype towards 'gs' become deeper...
it is untrustworthy and insecure...

That's all... good luck for every one~ =)

这星期的我

放假一个星期，在家休息了一个星期！

见了我的老同学，那久违相逢的感觉...还好...

朋友要结婚了所以见面的机会多了，

一起去KTV唱歌，喝茶，吃早餐，看戏，谈心事，逛街和骑摩托吹风...很久没那么一起活动了...

让我回想以前的种种...

相见后，发觉大家都成长了许多，

而我好像没什么大变化...

不管如何，大家都在为生活努力着，所以要珍惜彼此相聚的机会 =)

我也学到了一些新知识...

那是舅舅说的...

意思大概是这样：

-虽然读得高学位，但不要高傲。

-做你想要做的，不管是对还是错的决定，

但一旦失败了别后悔，回来休息后再次作战。

-要知道不管遇到好的坏的事情，要想到的是你还有你的家人。

虽然舅舅读书不多，但这些都是我觉得有道理的话。

他让我上了一堂课。

从中我也知道了一些我不知道的事情...

我发现我不大了解我姐姐...

探望舅舅那一天我懂了许多...

每当想起，我会想哭...

不懂是因为激动还是伤心...

可就希望坏的事情不要发生就好了...

在家的情绪好很多了...

也许习惯了家人对我的方式：

-不敢吵我（因为我的脾气坏）

-一个人睡

所以静的时间就很多...

当我心情不好的时候，

选择只有几种，一个人

-大吵大闹（炸歌，喊，乱丢东西）

-静静的（听抒情歌或音乐，哭，睡觉）

-吃很多（零食或吃不停）

-看戏，做一些傻事...

就这样慢慢的让自己的情绪平复。

这一次我用了比较长的时间让自己平复，

上面的方法全都用了，

也希望会没事了...

要相信自己，12345 我成功了...

若那是4，我可以解决的！

若是6，我也可以！

也谢谢你给我的解说... =)

玩够了，那压力也来了

玩到休息不够，忧虑的感觉，

所以生病了 :p

还好现在好多了...

因为要上战场打仗了...

哟哟哟...加油呗！哈哈...

愿大家安康 ~\(≧▽≦)/~

惊人还是悲哀

唉~一波未平一波又起...都不知道走什么衰运...
你到底发生了什么事？
接到姐姐的来电时心抽搐了，也寒了...
到底是什么事情让你做出了这样的决定？我很想知道...
你生病了吗？还是背后有人唆使你？
我气，可我也担心...
你真的要做到这样的地步吗？连家人都不要了？
我好伤心难过...想哭可是又哭不出来，很辛苦...
如果你有事或有什么苦衷为什么不和我们谈呢？
到底家那里对你不好了？做了什么事让你变成这个摸样？我想不通...

你让我觉得自己很失败。
明明读的是心理学，可是对家事一点忙也帮不上...
这是所谓的能医不能自医吗？
其实我也害怕，害怕处理不好...
我不想与你对质，那只会让事情恶化...到底该怎么办呢？
这世界真的好恐怖，为什么你说变就变呢？？？

啊！好烦啊！
我唯一能做的只有好好读书，快快毕业，成为家的经济支柱之一了...
无奈无奈... 伤心伤心... 坚强吧~

Recent...

there has been a long time I do not update my blog...

is too busy with my fyp and assignments

I just curious, is my time management still worse or there have other reasons...

damn stress damn moody in this period

found out that I'm still the same, do not change much, sigh...

every time I feel that I'm a loser...

by the way, I am relief now...

is time to focus on final to chase back my marks

my friends do help me a lot recently...

actually I'm in in the emotionally unstable state.

thanks for their patient and comments

it does help me a lot to justify myself

I should be tough and strong

I do not want the same thing happen again although it happened already

I need to be selfish this time

I do not want my kindness being abused again

somehow, I never think that I am a kind person

I do not want make any decision while I losing control of my emotion

I read some of the article

I feel envy that they have such supported friend

feel glad for yours

here are something I realized....

ya...I realized that friend no need many but few with true heart is enough

be responsible to yourself and others

what is work what is emotion, you should make it clear! don't mix it with the works!

I hate waiting...hmm... must punctual! 

so defensive...

and...my confidence still haven develop...

there are few time want to voice out or ask question

but still do not do so, haiz...

like a "suk tou gui", useless!

I'm too concern and care what other people think and view

I should put this down

yet i still can't find my way...

however, I love myself more now

I can live with myself better than before (although not a healthy way)

don't care so much 

just want myself happy

my live fill with different colors

and all of this will be my memories for this 3 years

一句话

现在我只能告诉自己要坚强地面对一切，要勇敢！

这几天

This few days I feel very stress because I need to finish 2 presentations, 1 report, and 1 mid-term.

Damn feel frustrated and scare I will lose my emotional control again.

One thing I just can say is IN THIS WORLD NOTHING IS FAIR!!!

If you want fair, you need to get it yourself!

Argh!!!!!!

我要忍！
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人！

可是我很累~ =(

Emotional Unstable----Again!

I'm losing my strength to express my feeling...
No point for me to express though...
I don't have the energy to voice out my feeling, my thought...
I don't have the reason to explain all...
I just keep silent...
I feel so stress about all of the stuff that happened to me recently...
even though there had some happiness and good memories but it cant suppress my hard feeling...
I found out my soul is fly away
every morning I wake up, there is no goal that I searching for
My life is becoming meaningless...
I still can focus on study but not so
I hope the tiredness, stress and not feeling well that I'm facing is because of my study and the activities that I join.

I keep telling myself,
not my false,
no forcing,
let it be,
trouble come because of my stand no clear
I'm sorry to myself,
I don't even used any knowledge that I've learnt on myself
such a shame!
I just want cry, a way that I feel most comfortable with! Please! Let me CRY out!

( If you leave, please leave with silently or without doing anything, I don't need such thing! You can inform me but don't pretend in front of me! It even make me feel worst. If you hurt, sorry cause I cant do anything for you. Because you not understand me too. Sorry for not being true to myself sometimes. There is some reasons that you should understand. I don't like confront, I don't like explain, I just want you think clear when you make a decision. I know sometimes thinking too much while making decision is not good, but that's my way. It depends on what the decision that I need to make. All just make me feel myself bad...)

Just type out what come in my mind, so it looks messy...

这一刻

恭喜你，你成功了！

Ordinary Miracle- by Sarah Mclachlan

Yesterday I went to a talk that given by Mr. Tan

it's about "Embracing Life"

He is a lecturer that I respect and admire on

love the way he act, talk, enjoy and his perspectives on his live

He did share a lot of live experiences to us

the happiness, appreciate and gratitude what we have even it just a little thing

hmmm... got one thing I should do is to watch the movie " Eat, Pray, Love"

I got the movie for long time ago but haven watch yet

He is using the story to tell us how to enjoy our live

may be next time or when free upload some photos about the slide here...

P/S: I really seldom update my blog... hehe =)

night world~ should continue with my lovely FYP or sleep???

For sure one thing I need to do is always be happy and control my emotion ~(@^_^@)~

wish you all happy also, enjoy your live~ =)

First Of May by Emi Fujita

A song that I found from some one...

so soft, listen before I sleep...

just like a lullaby for me... =)

Inner...

LOVE
Can I say I love you...
Or I should say I think there is something special that I feel on you...
but... I'm not dare to say out or express my feelings towards you...
I scare...
There was 1 time I keep putting off my act and I loose the chance.
There was 1 time I chose the wrong 1.
Now, I scare of making decision...
I may not deserve to have your love...
I cant imagine the respond you will have after I express out all my feelings...

SORROW
Sorry for having the act.
Actually I don't know what the respond I should give you.
I don't mind if other people misunderstand me.
Or may be I misunderstand you?
I don't want ask any question, get any answer from you.
But what I want to say is from your act, it really hurt me.
"Got you no me, got me no you!"
What a funny thing!
See me like seeing a ghost and I'm the virus so you get far from me...
You know this is not the first time you doing so.
when I know you said that thing I really really feel HURT!
I don't know what you thinking about...

Is it every year should happen once time or more than this???

Just few sentences

Hope my smile for now not to cover up myself...
Hope all the happiness now can continue on...
Hope I won't defeated by your act...
Hope no more happen after this...
I just want my live...
a live that can make me keep move forward...
no more pain, no more hurt...
pray for it, pray for myself...

失眠

    已经不是什么特别的状况，我又失眠了。 自己也不懂为什么总爱在睡前想很多东西。

    想起了婆婆，也就哭了。想到自己以前是多么的不孝，多么的不成熟。就算要道歉也已经没用了，该好好珍惜眼前人。想着想着就把事情连去外婆哪儿去了。那是我今年收到的坏消息。医生说吃药已经没用了，就只能等那一天的到来。我不希望那一天的来临，我不要，我什么都做不到。

    想着想着，想到自己以前那么笨做了那个决定，喜欢上一个不是真心喜欢自己的人。而喜欢我的人我却没感觉。并不是你们不好，而是我对你们根本没那种‘情’。我不是无情的人，只不过我不想对不起你们。也许我是错的。爱情不可勉强，也不是同情。从前的已是过去，我已做了决定不再回头。谈情说爱，目前对我来说并不重要。若是有缘，终有一天会遇见。

    想着想着，我那压力又来了—毕业论文。很怕，到现在还没动手，也毫无头绪。但对自己承诺了过了这个星期就要开始动手了，要不然不能完成，开学又忙又不能兼顾时就惨了。我一定要顺利毕业！

    想着想着，原来自己从未变过。生性还是那么懒散，那么的胆小怕事，那么的不成熟。做事还是那么的怠慢。成天想着一些名言该这样，该那样；不该这样，不该那样。其实说来说去还是自己本身的意愿。有时候心想的未必会去动手，去动手做的未必是心想要的。做人多么矛盾啊！总是那么的复杂，却又那么的简单。

    最后，原来自己从未努力过，不爱自己，可悲但不可怜。。。

最初的梦想。。。是什么？？？

忘了。。。

了解我的那个人又几时会出现呢？

颓废

已经放假要两个星期了，在家里却无所事事，无精打采。

只知道心情不好，很烦，很气，什么都不想理。

那不良的生活习惯依然在，那永远都不能睡好觉的状况也还在，唉。。。

实际上该开始我的毕业论文了，可我却还在浑浑噩噩过日子。。。

知道自己在逃避，但也没多少时间让我逃避。

最清醒的是知道自己在想却没动，真的一点动力也没有，懒人就是懒人。。。

清醒吧，如果你不想再失败多一次！

已经没那个青春让你花了。。。

糟

惨了，不懂是不是换上轻微忧郁了。近来的心情一直下滑，开心后没多久就低落。不开心的状态多于开心。严重到失好像开始有想死的念头。但应该不会做傻事吧，只要把它发泄出来机会没事了。
也不懂自己为什么不开心。也许在意的人和事太多了吧，导致自己放不开，想不通。每一晚当夜深人静的时候，我的脑袋就会不停的打转，不管有多累。不久，那泪水就掉下来了。

我知道的，我不是那么脆弱的。可为什么就打不起劲，做什么事都不成。

很累，我的心很累，可以就这样放弃一切吗？那面具，那笑容很重，带不起也提不起。每一次告诉自己该怎样怎样，可是就没一次成功。
停了！该停了！我不要再被负面的情绪缠绕！自己的事该自己解决，我不要再打扰别人，而且这样我也不会长大！我也不好意思去打扰别人！
既然他们已选择不拿为何你还要在意？？？失去的不可能再重来，就算重来也生疏了！何必还要折磨你自己。你也有你的生活，为什么就不选择好好的活下去？？？真的很想把自己的头撞向墙！啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

要坚强！

情绪已经低落一段时间了，

看着朋友们一直都在进步，

自己却一直在埋怨，堕落！

不可以再这样下去了，

我不应该再让负面的情绪影响我。

每一次说的改变却察觉不到自己的改变，

反而越变越差！

求求你，

要努力，

尽力而为，

不要再让自己后悔人生！

计划计划，

坚强坚强，

勇敢活下去！

要相信自己！

加油啊！

乱，迷失

人性难测，像中国的变脸。
现实的残酷不由得你不接受！
适者则活，败者则亡！

有苦难说，
无言以对，
句句相对。

有许多说不出的话不懂如何发泄，
有许多苦水不懂向哪儿吐，
无言，无言，真的是无言。

是我太懦弱了吗？
感觉被抛弃遗忘了。
是我落后了吗？
我赶不上你们了。

外表真的那么重要吗？
不变的宗旨真的会被淘汰？
做人的原则又是什么？
感觉上已经离你们越来越远。
我迷失了~ 我适应不到你们的世界，
适应不到这世界。

那决定真的是错了。我错了，是我的错，那都是我的错。
无言~ 该怎么重整我的世界？？？

Friends

Friends, you made me feel very disappointed.
Friends, you made me sad.
Friends, you made me cried.

I know I am not a perfect person.
I know how stupid I am.
In this world no one is perfect too.

Sometimes, I care about you all.
I try my best to treat you all.
I just follow what you ask me to do or help.
If I can, I will help you.
I will be nice as possible as I can.
And I know you all treat me good as well.

Sometimes, I will do wrong thing.
I may said or did something that hurt you.
I may selfish in some way.
I may angry with you without reasonable reasons.
I may said something bad about you.

But all this made me feel myself that I am so Fake!
sometimes, I know you cheat me and I let you cheat.
sometimes, I know you used me and I let you used.
I do nothing on what you have done on me, just let it be.
But why??? At the end you broke your promises, not only for one time.
Just because of the fault that I've made and you leave me.
Just because of the advantage you lost.

Dear friends, when I need you where are you?
You have promised that when I need I can find you.
But when I find you, you are lost,
you feel annoy,
you are busy.
At the end, I do not dare to find and interrupt you again.
And our relationship become far and far.
At the end you forget me,
I may also forget you.

However, I know there are still have true friends with me.
I will appreciate what you do for me.
I may not say thank you to you,
I may not show the sincere face to you,
But in my heart, I will truly grateful of what you did.
Thanks for always be my good listener and advisor when I need you!

Sorry for what I did that make you feel hurt and angry.
Sorry for I did not truly express myself.
Sorry because you not understand me and I am not understand you.

Hope everyday when I wake up will be a good day!
Good luck to all and myself.

Boring Life

Haiz~ I don't know what a life that I having now.

Everyday repeat the same thing.

Go work, back home, have lunch, sleep, dinner, watch TV and sleep~

Most are things that not benefit to me at all, sigh~

Although I had learned new things from my training but it still make me feel dull~

Is it will be the same when I come out to work???

I'm starting to worry about my life.

I'm lost now.

Everyday I live in a world that no target, no direction.

What come then just go for it~

No initiation, no target, no motivation, no focus~

I know this will spoil myself and my live,

but I still didn't move and change myself,

what happen to me??? Argh!!!

I want shout!!!

Future make me getting stress,

money is a heavy burden for my whole live.

A live without target is a mess,

A mess can be scheduled with a plan,

But... I no plan at all~@@

I need think clearly and make decision.

I need a peace place.

I need to chuck all the worry~

新年

新年总算是过完了，一个没什么特别的年。
当我越长越大时，对新年已经没什么期待了。
让我感觉新年气氛并不是新年当天，而是新年前夕。
我比较喜欢新年前夕，喜欢看见热闹的商场，看着人们准备年货，看着周围的家布置得美美的。
可是当到了新年时，那感觉会慢慢的消失。
会感觉到闷，无聊。
就一如往常，吃团圆饭，去拜年，拿红包，玩烟花，就这样过了一个年。
虽说如此，但和家人聚在一起是开心的，感激的。
见到久未见面的朋友也是开心的，可是也带着失望。


这个新年也让我对人生有新的看法，也看穿一些人和事。
我这个年龄说老不老，说年轻也算不上，可是对很多事情就是看不透也学不会。
并不想跟自己过意不去，明明是新年，可是就不像小孩子们那样快乐无忧的过年。
我反应很迟钝，有时候虽然知道有被骗，有阴谋，可是我都会等事情发生时或后才想到对策，才了解为什么。对这事我决定下次写一篇专属你们的文章。


昨天是新年最后的一天，也就是所谓的元宵节。很开心，今年是我第一次去逛元宵晚会，很多人很热闹。朋友谢谢你们。这当作是送自己一份元宵的礼物，把我的新年画上美丽的句号，一个值得留恋的一刻。


祝大家安康~ 

工作

其实这篇文章应该昨天贴上的，但因为累了，没心情写就没发贴了~

其实也不是什么特别的文章，只是相隔两年后在做工的心情。

太久没做工了，感觉和环境和以前都不同了，但幸运的是以前做工学过得都还能用。

我现在在商场里工作，是销售员，帮忙看管柜台和销售产品。其实这份工作比起以前我在另一个商场作算是轻松很多了，而且薪水也比较高。但那儿的消费也高，唉~

在商场里工作已有5天了。在这几天里看到很多不一样的人。朋友，熟人，家庭，情侣等等。得空时就会留意他们的动作，行为，衣着等。看着看着就会想到很多东西~

看着这一切一切觉得自己老了，过时了，好好笑哦，哈哈~

但也不是什么大不了的事，只要觉得舒服就好咯。要换装对我来讲不是难，而是我接收不到自己那个样子，也不习惯别人看我的感觉。（PS: 被人看感觉怪怪的，像是自己有什么不对。）我也没那么多钱和时间去打扮啊~看着他们美美的真的很羡慕。算啦，这就是同人不同命咯~知足就好咯~可不要成为时装的奴隶哦~

总归来说，我应该先把自己照顾好，睡好，吃好，住好，一家人健康快乐平安就好。别要求太多，让自己辛苦~我可以！我可以！加油！

要相信苦尽甘来！^^